One thing you want the decor of your wedding to do is to make DAMN certain your guests know what time it is when it comes to how much you and your new husband like to bone.
Main Squeeze Wedding Cake Topper: $28.50
Sexy Cake Topper: $27.50
So what if you’re grandmother is there! And the children? They gotta learn ’bout booty someday. Why not on the happiest day of your life?
The Love Pinch: $27.37
Get it, girl.
You smart, talented, crazy, awesome bunch of people!
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Don’t miss a minute of the snort laugh, I-Almost-Pissed-My-Pants ACTION!
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They’re not just for chronically single, 42-year-old homeroom teachers anymore.
Suedette Fringe Vest: $19.80
I really shouldn’t be too hard on this vest, though. It did take time out of it’s busy schedule doing Wicca and listening to Tori Amos’ full discography to be here with us today.
Ombre Fringe Necklace: $8.80
You know what’s missing from my life (other than servants)?
Jeweled Accent Top: $22.80
A sweater with subtle jewel, rhinestone accent and large, satiny bow on the side.
But, I still feel like it’s missing something.
French Terry Bow Pullover: $22.80
A chiffon rat’s tail! MORE sequins! How did you KNOW?
Forever 21, You Read my Mind and then you BLEW it.
Get what now?
A job having my g-string plugged with sweaty dollar bills or a communicable disease? I spied this selection of busted ass stripper heels on the top floor of a Forever 21. Most of them were soiled in some fashion, and all of them looked as if they had been worn. To the club. Many times. Until closing.
Check out these gems. Sky-high, red feathered shoes, ripe for the picking. You’d have to be a fool or someone who doesn’t like getting a stranger’s foot crust on you not to buy these!
And these! Electric blue and heavy on attitude.
It was hard to tell just by looking at them, but I am guessing these shoes may have been the shoes below at some point in history.
Suedette High Cone Heels: $22.80
The years, they have not been kind.
Forever 21, WTF?
This post goes out to all you ladies and lads who railed against me for hating so super hard on harem pants.
“Try them! They’re really comfy and I get compliments on mine all the time.”
“Not ALL harem pants look bad. You just have to pick the right ones.”
“You just don’t like harem pants because you have dignity and don’t like people laughing behind your back in the streets.”
Ok, I made that last comment up, but regardless!
To all you harem pant loving peeps, I have one thing to say.
Fuck you, because, shit … you were KIND of right.
Zebra Harem Pant: $15.80