Wearable Soundtrack of the ’80s

This post goes out to all you ladies and lads who railed against me for hating so super hard on harem pants.

“Try them! They’re really comfy and I get compliments on mine all the time.”

“Not ALL harem pants look bad. You just have to pick the right ones.”

“You just don’t like harem pants because you have dignity and don’t like people laughing behind your back in the streets.”

Ok, I made that last comment up, but regardless!

To all you harem pant loving peeps, I have one thing to say.

Fuck. You.

Fuck you, because, shit … you were KIND of right.

Zebra Harem Pant: $15.80

Yes, they are comfortable. Yes, they don’t look THAT bad, BUT – I can’t help feeling like I’m an extra on the set of a music video from the soundtrack of a John Hughes movie. Yes, the soundtrack is awesome, yes, the soundtrack will be what ultimate catapults you comfortably right back into the first moment you ever saw Jake Ryan and his perfect smile,  but the clothes? Not so awesome.

I just can’t shake the feeling wearing this out and about that someone is definitely going to run up to me and shout, “STOP!” because it’s Hammer Time. Then I’ll be contractually obligated to do the running man in heels. Is that what you want for me?!? SELFISH.

Forever 21, Fine, Harem Pants are not THAT Bad.



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24 responses to “Wearable Soundtrack of the ’80s

  1. Anonymous

    lol! you’re freakin’ hilarious!!

    • ringtheory

      I’m just a girl who likes to make an ass of herself. I don’t know why. I can’t seem to stop obsessing over fringe, and vests and harem pants.

  2. Giselle

    i’ve only seen one woman in person wearing harem pants, like the ones with the foot-long crotch space and everybody looked at her like she was crazy. anyway i wonder if the f21 employees will start recognizing you soon?

  3. kmart

    I wouldn’t wear them, but at least they look cute on you. Harem pants either result in an rare, epic win or just a hot mess disaster.

    And a minor typo, if you’re into that:

    “Yes, the soundtrack is awesome, yes, the soundtrack will be what ultimateLY catapults you…”

  4. Anonymous

    These pants give you the dumpiest butt possible. They were created only to disguise an unseemly, manly package below.

  5. I think this song title says it all (but only in the 80’s)…

  6. Anonymous

    Are windsuits next? Whoosh the sounds fall.

  7. These are the least haremy-looking harem pants I’ve seen. Not bad at all. Now, the ones that make it look like your crotch is located right above your knees – very bad.

    • ringtheory

      I tried to find some of those, but they have scaled them back OR people are buying them in droves. What confuses me is, WHO is wearing these? I NEVER see women wearing harem pants! I’ve seen it maybe 5 times ever in this and the past decade.

  8. Haha I’m in the same phase as you – I bought a pair from forever 21 the other week. But i like them!

    • ringtheory

      It’s sneaky. I can’t help but feel like I’ve been tricked. When I came out of the bedroom wearing this outfit my boyfriend just started laughing at me. And then we did the cabbage patch together.

  9. They’re ugly as fuck!! lmao!!

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