This post goes out to all you ladies and lads who railed against me for hating so super hard on harem pants.
“Try them! They’re really comfy and I get compliments on mine all the time.”
“Not ALL harem pants look bad. You just have to pick the right ones.”
“You just don’t like harem pants because you have dignity and don’t like people laughing behind your back in the streets.”
Ok, I made that last comment up, but regardless!
To all you harem pant loving peeps, I have one thing to say.
Fuck you, because, shit … you were KIND of right.
Zebra Harem Pant: $15.80
In the semi-words of walking nightmare skeleton Rachel Zoe,
Oh. My. Gah.
Bamboo Leaves Jumpsuit: $22.90
SHUT IT DOWN, SHUT THE FRONT DOOR AND SHUT MY EFFING EYES TIGHT.
It’s a harem pants jumpsuit. This is what you start wearing when you just don’t give a shit anymore.
It reeks of failure.
Don’t feel like putting on real clothes to run to the grocery store? Jumpsuit.
Don’t have the energy or foresight to keep both a top and a bottom clean enough to wear in the outdoor world? Jumpsuit.
Want to go to class in pajamas without actually wearing pajamas? Jumpsuit.
If you bought this, sort your life out, IMMEDIATELY.
Forever 21, WTF?
They’ve done it.
Ribbed Trimmed Five Pocket Jeans: $29.90
They’ve finally figured out a way to trick men into trying on harem pants.
A reader and Forever 21 employee alerted me to these.
Oh, sure, at first glance they look semi-normal, but take a closer gander.
Major DBS (Deflated Booty Syndrome)? HAREM PANTS.
No matter how you slice it, from every angle it looks like harem pants for men. SHAME.
Forever 21, WTF?
This will be a controversial post.
There are some among you who, despite everything our eyes, hearts and common damn sense tell us, like the look of harem pants.
If you are one of those poor, unfortunate souls do yourself a favor and check out the bottom half of this screenshot the next time you’re about to strap on a pair of mass-produced Skants, as Regretsy calls them.
Do you really want someone to be reminded of Danny Devito’s turn as the Penguin when they see you wearing these?
As much as I love Danny Devito, I don’t ever want to be compared to him in hushed whispers at a cocktail party. And there is no way you’re going to get with handsome Michael Keaton Batman from 1992 wearing those things.