Anyone who knows me knows that I am a HUGE fan of actor Nicolas Cage’s wigs.
There exists between the hair pieces and I, a unique and special bond, despite the fact I have never been in the presence of said hair pieces and only admired them from afar, on the big screen or in my personal collection of numerous Nick Cage photo-wig-erotica.
And just as I both love and hate Forever 21, I both love and hate his wigs. I fear and admire them as well as find them to be at once beautiful and grotesque.
So, in honor of this special relationship, and the fact that I just watched “Drive Angry 3D” last night, today’s post will be about how Forever 21’s current worst trends are like Nicolas Cage’s toupees.
Read on, if you dare.
Smocked Denim Joggers: $17.80
Just like many of Cage’s stiff, inexplicable head coverings, these pants feel like they’re kept up by some sort of system of weights, levers and dark magic. Scrunched yet loose. Both sweatpant and jean. They somehow manage to produce a slight camel toe effect despite being quite roomy in the crotch. Much like Cage’s wigs, who despite all odds, manage to stay firmly attached to his head.
Flora Paisley Tiered Skirt: $19.80
Like so many trends Forever 21 perpetrates on a daily basis, this tiered maxi skirt design should really be retired. Retired like Award-winning actor Nicolas Cage’s hairpiece from “Season of the Witch” should have been after it gave that miserable performance in 2010’s “The Sorcerer’s Apprentice.”
Militant Woven Dress: $22.80
Forever 21 has been backing away slowly from this trend like a park ranger backs away slowly from one of Nicolas Cage’s hair pieces feeding in the wilderness. What they DON’T realize is the only way to safely escape from either is to make a run for it.
Paisley Woven Pants: $19.80
The trend of transparent pants in hideous prints doesn’t seem to be going anywhere and Forever 21 has jumped right on the ridiculous bandwagon. But what this trend item lacks in opacity, it makes up for in elegant motion, much like one of Cage’s favorite go-to rugs, which will earn a reported $7.5 million dollars for reprising it’s lead role in “Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance” in 2012.
Forever 21, WTF?
Nicolas Cage’s Wig, TTYL.