Five Things to Ensure a Badass Fourth of July

PATRIOTISM.

We all know what it is – hotdogs, RIBS, fireworks, Mike’s Hard Lemonades and ice cold kegs of Miller High Life.

But do we all know what it looks like?

Eagle Fringe Top: $13.80

BALD EAGLES, preferrably depicted in black and white on fringed crop tops with stern looks in their eyes.

HELLA MAJESTIC.

American Rebel Top: $14.80

MORE FRINGE. PLEATHER. THE WORDS, “AMERICA” AND “REBEL.” SKIRTS THAT LACE UP IN THE FRONT.

EXPOSED BELLY BUTTONS. SEXUAL. STATESMANLIKE.

 …

Old Glory Fringe Top: $13.80

Fringe, YET AGAIN.

Flag that looks old but is really BRAND NEW.

SLEEVELESS SHIRTS.

Beaded Navajo Necklace: $6.80

 Stereotypical and insulting facsimile of indigeonous people’s sacred garb. Made with cheap beads.

IRONIC.

 Fringe Trim Denim Cutoffs: $22.80

I mean …

is there really anything else to say? Fringe trim. Denim. Cutoffs. It’s the trailer park tri-fecta of fantastic American pride.

AND. IT’S. AWESOME.

 Forever 21,

WTF?

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14 Comments

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14 responses to “Five Things to Ensure a Badass Fourth of July

  1. T

    All I read out of this is “AMERICA FUCK YEAH!” bahahaha oh Forever 21

  2. Anonymous

    I bought the fringe.
    I wore the fringe.
    Someone set fire,
    to one of the fringe.
    Soon, all the fringe
    was ablaze.
    and then….
    I was naked.

    This poem sucks, but look at the material I’m working with, eh?

  3. Neutral

    I actually love the fringe top trend! It can look really good paired with skinny jeans, and look great and laid-back for summer. The shorts aren’t my taste though.

    I also happen to like native american-inspired jewelry and clothing, in general, though the example you chose is bleh. I don’t really find it insulting to the culture – there are tons of influences from different cultures that we can find in clothing today.

    Forever 21 does makes some fugly things, but you have to give them credit for the cute ones, too.

  4. Letty

    Not really a fan of fringes but some people can rock it.

  5. badbunni

    WOOOO!!!! FREEBIRD!!!!

  6. NYC Blonde

    Those fringe shorts are about $100 at nastygirl.com and a few other sites.
    Crazy!! They ALSO had matching pumps with fringe on the back as well, in camel and black.
    They are SO ugly i can’t bear to even look at them. at least no one is crimping their hair (again) yet.

  7. Rennie

    Haha imagine someone wearing all of that at once! LAYERED FRINGE OMG

  8. Good thing I read this when I did, I was seconds away from buying the fringe cut offs. Thank You!!
    LOVE this!

  9. Claudia

    LOL. I love this page

  10. F21 are clearly genetically engineering models wiht no breasts, and freakishly long arms which contort at the wrist in strange ways… isn’t that one of the signs of the apocolypse?

  11. Holy shit. On so many levels, this is wrong. So. Very. Wrong.

  12. ryan

    If Katy Perry vomited, this is what it’d look like. Thankfully (for me), I live in Australia, which is COMPLETELY free of f21. Yay!

  13. Tricia

    Way to stick it to the F21 soulless mother-fers! We celebrate your return!

  14. Anonymous

    So damn funny. Glad you’re back. You were missed. I nearly started wearing classy duds. 😉

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