Shining Harder than a GIA Diamond

In the past few weeks I’ve received a record amount of emails and links in comment threads about one dress.

A dress so WTF it seems to have captured the attentions and captivated the minds of literally handfuls of you.

Coated Party Dress: $19.80

Yes, coated. A lot of your have asked, “Coated with what?”

And I have to answer, “Isn’t it obvious?”

Coated with swag. Coated with confidence, class and  high-shine polyester… Probably mostly high shine polyester, though. I mean, a GIA certified diamond would be jealous. A GIA, I TELL YOU! Look how she sparkles.

And this isn’t just some form of bondage picnic wear or something from Cat Woman’s casual wardrobe, oh no. Not only is this dress great for cocktail parties, you can also turn it inside out when you’re done and toss trash in it for easy clean up.

That’s called multi-tasking. And value.

Forever 21, WTF?

WTFaux Leather Shorts

No matter how bad things get, no matter how sparse your closet, tight your budget and low your self esteem …

these shorts

are not the answer.

Price: $15.80

Non-breathable, swamp-butt producing pleather booty shorts.

Wear these things during a heat wave and you’ll get pruning where NO WOMAN should EVER get pruning.

And how are you susposed to wash them? Answer: you don’t.

Have fun with that undercarriage infection.

Forever 21, WTF?

Super Skank

My slutty sense is tingling.

Hookers who also moonlight as super heroes, this one’s for you.

Street Walking Crime Fighter Romper: $19.80

I guess prostitutes and super heroes have a lot in common.

One prowls the night looking for bad men to take downtown.

One prowls the night looking for bad men who go downtown.

They both usually have a flamboyantly dressed sidekick who swoops in to save them when they get into trouble.

And they both work on the outskirts of the law and use handcuffs on the regular.

Throw a cape on that romper and you’ve got yourself an elegant transition from giving BJs to being Batgirl.

Forever 21, WTF?

Fugly Shrugly

I’m not the biggest fan of ruffles.

Nor am I the biggest fan of skin-tight half sweaters that accentuate nothing but the joint between my shoulders and arms.

Enter the Ruffle Knit Shrug:

Price: $13.80

Let’s pause for a moment and forget about the absurd ruffles, which are too short to provide any neck warmth and too plentiful to provide any sanity.

Briefly disregard the overall uncomfortable, bunchy polyester clusterfuck of it all.

Just focus on the models face.

The model, whose sole purpose here is to sell the garment by inspiring our lustful envy, could only muster a look of peeved bewilderment, as if someone had just told a racist joke in mixed company or asked her to take her shoes off before coming into their house.

Forever 21, WTF?

WTFrankenstein dress

This is my nightmare.

 

Price: $24.80

A hideous Frankenstein monster of a garment that looks more like an amateur attempt at sewing than a mass produced, professionally designed clothing item.

Out of control ugly, mini floral print tank top with a most unflattering mini bubble skirt with random pickups.

And just when you thought it couldn’t get any more WTFucky, they slap a bow on the side.

This dress is the equivalent of your cat dropping a mangled mouse corpse at your feet and then looking up at you, as if to say, “Ta-dah.”

Forever 21, bad kitteh!